What a lovely year 2014 turned out to be. I mean that on a very micro-just-in-my-life-quieting-and-becoming-settled-and-smoothing-into-a-small-loving-thing sort of way. Important to clarify because the much larger world was frightening and disappointing in so many ways this year. But my tiny isolated world was rich with family and friends and the kindness of strangers and creativity and reading and becoming still and better at being a friend and maybe even a better human.
I blogged infrequently, and this is often a place where I try to slow down and think things through with words. But this past year, I spent a lot more time quietly thinking inside and alone in my noggin. That was important and good and helpful.
But now it's New Year's Day. . . maybe my favorite day of the year. I can't help but take stock of the previous year and dream big dreams for the coming year. I throw clutter away. I organize things. I cook savory cold winter meals and try to remember that simple is often better than complicated. I am terrible at that last one. (for example: for New Year's Eve, I planned a "simple" grilled cheese and tomato soup dinner for a small group of friends. That's a meal that usually takes me about 12 minutes to get on the table for me and Dan. But I couldn't just open a can of Campbell's tomato soup for people I love. 3 hours of soup making, another 2 of bread making and sandwich item prepping. Crazy. . . but it was delicious. Sometimes, though, friends just need a cup of tea and cinnamon toast because they're there for your company and listening and warmth, not to be impressed by your cooking prowess. Important to remember. . . ).
So, here's what I want (all within my power to get) from 2015:
1. A baby. I think this will be the year that a teeny-tiny lands in our laps. I can't wait to meet them. . . but I also can't wait to meet the dad that I know Dan will be. It's hard to imagine even more love in my life, but I so want my heart to grow in that way.
2. To be really present for the people in my life. To listen and support my giant family--both the biological and the chosen.
3. To grow a small creative business. If it grows in the future? Super. But for now, I just want to get over my nervousness about failing and just use the act of throwing myself in to learn new things. Exciting.
4. To learn how to make croissant dough and then translate that into morning buns like the ones we ate a few years ago at Tartine's in San Francisco. It may seem like a small goal compared to the other things in this list, but that trip on the west coast bloomed something in me and Dan. We flew home more in love and together than ever before. The feeling has lasted and grown and it makes me want to create a tangible edible piece of that magic at home to celebrate that.
5. To continue on my road of remembering who I am and what I am capable of--which means writing and being wildly creative and learning ukulele and not setting limits on myself based on fear. I can do anything I put my mind to. . . you can, too. Join me in this.
So, for today, I'm just going to relax and be contemplative and enjoy the quiet of the house. The brothers Phillips are here, listening to music and being quiet. LP is curled up nearby. There's actual sun slanting through the windows and glinting off the Christmas tree in a winter in which the rare amount of sunlight in Chicago can be tallied by the hour rather than by the day. It feels lovely and filled with luck and happiness.
Happy New Year!
